Sarah lights up the room with her smile - and has tremendous drama with her hissy fits. Jenny has a slow burn of complaining and whining all day - but is **generally** good natured and compliant (see below for exception!). We are enjoying both girls, and they seem to be happy with "where they've landed." We took them to Church for the second time this Sunday. Jenny was NOT happy to have to wear a dress. I translated that she could pick her clothes for home, but Mom (and the school) dictated what she wore to Church and school.
Then we had our first real issue with Jenny. After many incidents of laughing and playing during prayer time (all of 5 minutes), I asked our guide to explain to her to be quiet while Rachel and I prayed in China. (all of 2 minutes) We then explained again several times and she was mostly quiet. She's gotten defiant again and talked over us a couple of times at home - but this morning at Church she brought Sarah into the mix, and after several warnings, continued to laugh and make fun of everyone praying - including talking out loud while the preacher prayed. We had a Google translate lecture after lunch - where I told her how disappointed I was with her behavior. Her consequence was early to bed while the others stayed up late. Worked well for her 5:45 am wake up and first day of school.
I explained that she can have her own beliefs - but she may NOT mock others in theirs. I would not go into a Buddhist Temple and disturb worship - regardless of my opinions about the religion. I expect the same respect here for our family traditions. It's all about respecting parents and others - not something she's been willing to learn so far. (includes talking over others, etc.)
So ends our first saga. She knows now that she goes to bed early when she's disrespectful towards others. We'll see what choices she makes in the future. I've blogged this to help other parents that may experience this - and would love to hear the experiences of other Christian adoptive parents. Blessings, Kim
Kim...we didn't have this problem specific to prayer time; but in general, Tessa would mock anything/anyone she felt inclined to....this probably lasted...2 yrs or so??? I think she was so used to living in an environment where anything was far game to mock, that is took numerous incidents where we handled as you have (telling her why it's wrong- biblically and character-wise, a consequence she didn't like, etc) for MOST scenerios to sink it. It was not something we could explain to her for a LONG time- she didn't equate any lessons in kindness/compassion/respect, etc to her behaviors....we had to actually live the incidents and address them each time. In hindsight...I would probably try repeated role plays in hopes of proactively addressing this. However- the unkind ways she mocked over those years, I never would have guessed to have come up with a scenerio anyway! And beware.....once she learns more English and voices the thoughts in her head aloud in public, it could get worse for a while. But, Tessa did get better about mocking after a while. It's been a while since she has made fun of anyone in public- though it happens on occasion (more then it happens with the other girls). She still does laugh at inappropriate times due to her discomfort which hurts people, but we can see her intent is different then when she used to purposely mock them. I wish I could tell you a solution for learning respect...it's a battle we continue to fight. Tessa does not respect anyone. Next to lying, her lack of respect toward others is what hurts her relationships with everyone the most. This is SUCH a hard concept to teach to those who see the world so concrete and literal as many of the older kids who come home do :( I hope to seek out some resources about how to teach character traits to children with social disorders/delays....I think techniques to help a child with autism, down syndrome, etc address social issues might be of value to our teaching the children we are bringing home who suffer in this way- straight forward, non-abstract messages I'm assuming. I just haven't had time to research this topic. Sigh. Blessings, Jennifer
ReplyDeleteJennifer - your post clip:
ReplyDeleteI hope to seek out some resources about how to teach character traits to children with social disorders/delays..
really got me thinking. Please let me know if you find some resources!! :)