A morning post from one of my yahoo groups directed all participants to put “mentions God” in the subject line for all subsequent emails. This is to avoid offending sensitive persons. I was so inspired by this admonition that I decided to place some restrictions on comments here.
In the future, please denote clearly your denominational affiliation in the subject line of your comments. That way, the Episcopalians can avoid any rabble rousing comments by the Pentecostals, and I can be sure to keep the Calvinists and Arminians separated and on topic. If you belong to a non-denominational Church, just claim “mentions hand raising” so the rest of us can avoid reading the post and feeling un-spiritual about our more subdued form of worship. If you are a creationist, write “mentions young earth” or “mentions old earth,” so I can only read the posts that I agree with.
If you are not a Christian – just write “mentions allah” or “mentions buddha” so others can avoid being inadvertently converted. If you’re an atheist, write “mentions atheism,” so we can all avoid being offended by you listing everything you’re offended by - and your incessant whining about religious people hurting your feelings.
More serious to me, however, are the health nuts. Please warn me beforehand by “mentions granola” so I can avoid reading your post about baking your own bread and eating organic foods. I don’t want to feel guilty the rest of the day while downing my Krispy Kremes and whole milk. Sushi eaters should identify themselves clearly so I’m not irrevocably psychologically damaged by picturing you eating raw fish and pretending you like it just to look trendy. Bleh.
If you are not a Republican, or if you are a Republican with beliefs other than mine, identify yourself appropriately: “Mentions Obama,” “Mentions paying off the student debt of other people’s children,” “Mentions raising taxes,” are all posts that might be upsetting to me. I want to avoid those.
If you live in a home that is nicer than mine or drive a Mercedes, be sure to write, “mentions idolatry” in your subject line, because surely you must be greed driven and it might whip me into a retail frenzy that I’ll never pay off. If you’re receiving unemployment, write “mentions on the dole,” and how long you’ve been that way, so we can all evaluate whether or not you’re milking the system. Lastly, if you are upset about not getting your adoption tax rebate soon enough, write “mentions tax rebate,” so I don’t have to get upset about not getting one at all. I think that about covers it. Anyone else?