Where we are in 2 months

The girls are adjusting well, and I thought I'd write a couple of updates about how they're doing with English, Reading, Math, etc.   There are some definite differences in English acquisition - and I thought it might help for others to hear how they're doing.  Both girls are similar in aptitude, (very bright) so I think there are some definite factors other than age at play in their progress.

Factor 1:  Sarah has a Chinese speaker in her class, and she is definitely lagging in English acquisition because of this.  Jenny is completely immersed each day, and has much better understanding of conversation.   Their reading is progressing at roughly the same rate - but since Jenny had an understanding of general English phonics (th, ch, sh sounds, etc.) before she arrived, she stays ahead.  I think being in the K5 class gives Sarah an edge despite her age, as each day she studies phonics.  Jenny, on the other hand, passively listens most of the time in a 3rd grade class - increasing her auditory comprehension - but not her phonics understanding for reading.  Because of this, I think the ideal situation for an older child is morning school (the mandatory 4 1/2 hours) and then home early with mom to work on basic phonics and reading - she needs 1st grade resources. 

Factor 2:  ESOL has been a HUGE help and my girls qualified for one on one tutoring since they were enrolled early after arriving and had no language skills whatsoever.  My 4 year old was already too proficient when she was old enough for K5 at 5 years old - she did not rate ESOL intervention.  Sarah's teacher was out the first 3 weeks, and Jenny shot past her because of the 1 on 1 help.   

Both girls are able to follow basic math instruction at home, we are working through Grade 3 materials with Jenny.  Measurement and weight is difficult since she is unfamiliar with this as well as Roman numerals.  For now, I have set this aside since it can be memorized quickly when her language skills increase.  She does not "understand" many math concepts, but has progressed in the past through rote memorization of sequential math concepts such as borrowing, etc.  Doing the 3rd grade work and focusing on understanding each basic concept (place value, rounding, etc.) has been helpful and worthwhile so that she understands what she's doing.  We are "plugging holes" and skipping what she knows well.

At 11 years old, the 1st grade work is too easy for Jenny, but still needs to be covered at a faster pace.  While she has some of her phonics sounds, she has not covered punctuation basics such as periods, question marks, capital letters, etc.  She has never encountered "igh," "oa," "ow," etc., and needs to understand double vowels and silent letters.  So we will plow through some 1st grade books - again - to plug holes.  They are reading the 2nd set of "Bob Books" after 2 months - I think that's amazing!

Not surprisingly, both girls approach reading from a whole language perspective, so while they're making fast gains, they're unable to differentiate between sight words and decoding words.  While I've been able to explain this to Jenny, Sarah can't quite comprehend this yet, and often tries to separate the "th" sounds, etc, to "t" and "h."  English is so confusing!! 

Handwriting has been HUGE and we use the BJU Press videos for this.  It gives them a feeling of success, it is their favorite thing to do, and reportedly develops brain wiring similarly to piano playing.  It also instills a sense of excellence as I expect good work from them.  They are so proud of how well they write now, and it's worth the resistance to high expectations at first.  Unlike reading, it's a quick mastery item, and it's wonderful to see them grow in confidence! My dd adopted at 5 years old loved handwriting, too!

I LOVE the youTube songs for months of the year, days of the week, and shapes!  The girls love anything learned through song - and it's so helpful for memory items.  I only wish there were better ones out there for measurements!!

I model a lot of conversational quips that are useful in everyday life:  "May I please have...,"  "I need a.....,"  "Can you help me.....," "Where is....,".  These are great exercises in the car when driving.  "I am hungry," "I am thirsty," "I am tired," - they love doing charades to these. :)  When I'm tired, I don't do this, and we don't make as much progress.  These kids are hungry to learn, and it's hard to keep up with them.  They were asking to do school on Sunday!  Since they're so enthusiastic most of the time, I also try to note when they have their own tired days and just find something else to do so they don't get discouraged. I am so glad to have Emily helping twice a week, as I am definitely the first to give out - and need a break from round the clock learning!

Both girls only speak in English now - even to each other.  It's interesting as it makes it difficult to communicate sometimes, and I wonder why they do it?! (why not just ease into Chinese when you need to?)   When we visit Chinese friends, they will speak Chinese easily and happily - just not with each other.  It's very interesting and I can't wait till their English is better so I can understand more of their thoughts.  Sarah has told me some interesting story bits that make no sense - and I'm curious to know what she's trying to convey! 

I don't know if this is helpful or just boring - but I was very curious as to the English acquisition of other kids as they got home - so wanted to give others an idea of where we are.   Blessings, Kim

Vanity

 Is it just me or is this kiddo cute?? 

She's so stinkin' cute that I kept forgetting to make that appointment to get her an eye prosthesis!  As a matter of fact, we've gotten kind of attached to the little smiley and "winky" look of her small eye that matches her endless look of joy and cheerfulness.  People (especially children) often stare and ask curious questions - which always surprises us since we don't notice it all.  She has asked several times about getting an eye prosthesis, however, so I finally made the appointment this week and just the two of us headed out to see about how it all works. 

During the drive - out of nowhere - she began to explain to me in very broken English how she came to be an orphan.  She told me that where she is from, "mama no like one eye, so no mama."  She followed it up with an explanation that the same held for her sister with "one ear - mama no like - so no mama and baba."  The timing was of concern to me since she felt the need to talk about this on the way to seeing about "a new eye."  I also wondered how she had come to this conclusion or if someone had spoken to her about it.  She was very matter of fact and didn't seem sad about it which was also surprising.  I reassured her we loved her just the way she was, and knew she was our daughter from the first moment we saw her.

When we arrived at our appointment, and the doc brought out the "pretty new eye," she was reluctant to let him try it out.  He suggested we come back and watch an older girl get hers cleaned and put back in.   It was an easy process - took less than a few seconds - and the older girl's eye looked fabulous.  But our little one was still reluctant and when asked if she really wanted the prosthesis, all she could say was, "I don't know."  So we left.

I just don't think I can make this decision for her - particularly after our conversation.  She knows that we can get her a prosthesis any time she wants - but suddenly it doesn't seem to matter to her any more.  During our first week together, she asked if she could come to the U.S., get an eye, and then go back home.   I wonder if she thinks the eye means she's done here?  With such difficulty communicating - it's hard to know what these little ones worry about - and this sweet girl seems happy every day with her new life.   It must bother her to answer questions about her eye all the time - but she is such a beauty just the way she is - and we want her to know that.

Some days I can't believe how blessed we are to have these treasures come into our lives - and I'm sad that they and many others lay hidden for so long.  I'm amazed at their courage and willingness to adapt so quickly to all the changes in their lives.  And while Jenny can push my buttons (and everyone else's) with her complaining and counting, and Sarah has more energy than 5 nuclear plants, we can't imagine life without them.  It scares me to think what might have been if we hadn't stepped out one more time.  What a boring life we would have had...

Today I sat on the porch and listened to them singing their Jesus songs on the swingset and just thanked God for my blessings.  I'd like to post my struggles, but other than petty irritations and occasional exhaustion from requests to "look at me, Mom" for the 50th time in one minute - it's been a really easy transition.  (maybe I've just forgotten all the bad spots like we do with labor and delivery?)

If you're reading this, Kimi and Vicky, I hope your girls do just as well.  I'll be praying you through your trips.  Blessings, Kim

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again, I say rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

The Greatest Blessing of All

HE IS RISEN!!

Adopting two at once

Adopting two children at once was the best thing we ever did.  It has been harder in some ways - on both sides - but there are so many more blessings as well.

The shock and fear of the transition was greatly reduced for our daughters.  I was replying to a friend this morning,  telling her that I missed that "depth of communication" with my new children, and I realized that they still have that with each other.  Can you imagine having no one to pour your heart out to?  It must be a lonely first few months for an older child.  Older children have more complex worries - school, communication, future concerns, friendships, and without having someone to listen, it must be very hard.

Our daughters also help each other with perplexing situations.  They laugh together over miscommunications - and help the other when one solves the charade more quickly.  They understand the language issues better as they come up double time vs. one at a time.  They feel successful when they alternately guess right and help their sister.  They bring different gifts and struggles and recognize they are not alone in this.   They see another child struggle with language and realize it's not hopeless - just a process.

They are able to see how unpleasant behavior in their new sibling causes discomfort for all.  Watching another child tantrum makes it less attractive as a personal behavioral choice.  They learn from each others' good and poor choices.  There is less training and teaching involved as they learn from watching.

Most of all, they realize that they are not alone in their beginnings.  They understand that there are other children, hidden treasures like they were, in other places.  They are not abandoned, but human beings with great worth and purpose- special enough to have God personally reach across the oceans and move minds and hearts in far away places.

The downsides are jealousy, sharing of attention, and not having the spotlighted, single entry into the family.  But these are also issues that come up with singles - and then the problem is usually the newly adopted child versus "home kiddos." There's much less insecurity with two new kiddos about less toys, clothes, etc., when you realize your new sister is in the same boat.  They realize it's late arrival- not favoring - that causes the unequal material possessions.  Having had toddler twins many years ago, we recognized the importance of exactly equal gifts for the most part, and duplicate birthday cakes this year, lol.  While this won't always be the case, we know that better communication and family skill maturity in the future will allow us to develop the security and confidence they'll need to be more separated as individuals.  For now, we need to keep things as equally perceived as possible.

Prayer has been the biggest help in this adoption.  We have asked for it continuously, fellow believers have prayed for us faithfully, and the Church as a whole set aside time to pray for our new daughters in the service the other day.  We tried to rationalize it away, but our daughter has been at peace - and so happy since that service, not a term we would have used to characterize her in the past month.

I also ignored the impassioned (and sometimes nasty) admonitions from others who warned against traveling alone with my 11 year old dd.  She was more help than 10 adults, and like my new daughters together here in America, gave me someone to talk to and laugh with in English. We had a WONDERFUL adventure - the best time we've ever had!  I can't imagine how different my trip would have been if I'd listened to anonymous internet experts who didn't know my daughter or how capable and wonderful she is.

Also, many families posted "must sees" and "must do's."  We are all different - keep that in mind.  2,000 years of history in a medieval town wasn't worth my daughters puking for 3 hours in a car.  We chose the not so exciting for me - but really exciting for my girls - aquarium that was 5  min. away, followed by McDonalds and a pic next to the Ronald McDonald statue.  (They still delight in that picture and meal.)  I canceled every temple and other visit for the rest of the week and spent time at Walmart in the toy and puzzle aisle for MUCH less money.  My girls had normal days of TV watching, puzzles and playdough, dancing and coloring.  The trip is about them - not us - take your cues from them and change it up if need be.  There is wonderful information available from veteran travelers - BUT - you know yourself and your family best.  Make your own decisions. 

I read many, many, posts warning against adopting two at once, and wanted to pass along our experience to others who may be on this path.  Ask for help!  Pay for it, use available resources, be a prayer hog.  It is physically and emotionally draining to meet the daily emotional needs of two children with such big changes in their lives - but it gets easier every day.  Putting them in school, even as a homeschooling family, was a huge help to both their and our transition to a new family dynamic.  We are given time to refresh each day while others come alongside and help with the many needs - both in academics and communication (ESOL). 

The medical professionals at our International Adoption Clinic have been wonderful and covered many more bases than in the past.  They now do complete checks - vision, hearing, OT, and every other thing that may have been missed in foster and institutional care.  

We are thankful for the many people who have supported the homecoming of our daughters both in prayer and deed.  While it may not be this easy in every adoption our experience with two has brought more blessings than challenges to both us and our new children.  I have had bad days - mostly of my own making - and the next day I start over since "God's mercies are new (to me) every morning."  Because I accept this for myself, I extend the same to my new daughters whatever the previous day may have held.  I can't imagine the frustration they must feel on a daily basis from the overwhelming changes in their lives.

If God is calling you to this path, do not listen to the naysayers, but listen to Him who will provide all you need each day.   While it may not be this easy, depending on the experiences and challenges of your children, God will equip you and those around you to meet their needs in time and comfort you when you struggle. Blessings, Kim

Fun at the Beach - schooling

The girls loved seeing the ocean for the first time.  What a blessing to watch them squeal with delight, jump the waves, and build sand castles.  Sarah's personality can be summed up in the word, "delight" as she finds everything - even the smallest things - an exciting discovery.  On the way to her dance class, she informed me that all her sisters were "hao jiajia's" or "good sisters."  She listed them off one by one so that I'd be sure to understand.

Jenny wants to please and works hard to fit into her new life.  Her English skills are amazing already after one month home.  Both girls really work hard at trying to say things properly - they WANT to get it right and repeat it over and over - I'm so proud of how hard they work.  I'm not sure I'd be as diligent if the tables were turned...

Jenny's math skills are terribly behind.  She knows most of her math facts except division - but has no understanding of math.  The connection between multiplication and division is lost on her - and place value is something she never studied.  So we're around 2nd grade level in many things and we're working slowly through a Grade 3 math book. 

After one month home, she is able to read the initial 3 Bob Books, and understands that letters make sounds.  She knows many of these sounds from China - but is working on mastering all of them.  I think she will read very quickly and this seems to come easily to her.

Sarah does not know ABC's or letter sounds.  She is so young, however, that she will catch up easily.  I will work all summer with them to get ready for school next year.  I wish I could get resource teachers to help them with deficiencies - but I think they have to be tested and show lack "officially" first.  Putting them in school was a good decision as the ESOL program has been very helpful.  They are able to see a variety of American families and things - almost like a culture camp.  I do not have the energy or ability to teach all of the kids the way I'd like to at this point - and I'm thankful for the help the school has given us. We are blessed with strong Christians in leadership and in the classrooms.

I am using BJU Press books with them - Jenny is using the 2nd Grade Handwriting book to learn cursive and the Math 3 book.  Sarah is using K5 Phonics and Math - but she already knows most of her addition and subtraction facts.  We skip quite a bit, but are plugging holes with mostly ESL and critical thinking issues such as place value, shapes, measurement, etc.

It is difficult to teach a child who does not know English.  My twice a week teen English tutor is FABULOUS with creative ideas about how to convey ideas.  Having multiple perspectives and fresh ideas from school, home, and tutor really is helping the girls stay interested.  I am fresh to work with them when they get home from school as well - and am thankful for this multi-pronged strategy.  My home girls have respite from the very busy pace of keeping up with older children that are like toddlers around the home in many ways.

Last but not least, I'd like to acknowledge Joyce Meyers' help with my Christian walk each day.  I watch her show for daily exhortation in the Word, and am thankful to have the perspective of someone who's walked longer with the Lord than I have.   Her enthusiasm to serve others and joy in the Christian life is contagious, and it helps me to be urged on to put time in God's Word first, to prize peace in my life (something that has been difficult this week due to unexpectedly and IMO unfairly large taxes due), and to do good despite any wrongs we're experiencing.   So instead of becoming bitter about the money the government has taken, I'm going to try extra hard to be generous despite their withdrawal of my charitable deductions.  I know many folks take issue with her ministry - but she bears more fruit in a week than I have in my lifetime. 

I got "preached at" this morning, and know I need to speak out about government waste - but leave the bitterness behind.  (2 Timothy 3:23 - thank you, God, for your Word)  There is too much to do to waste time fuming - life is short.  Blessings, Kim

Coming home essentials

I read a LOT of blogs before I left for China - hoping to glean experience from those before me who were adopting two children at once.   Many were veteran adoptive families - and expressed the difficulty and sheer exhaustion of adopting two at once.   Others blogged about the unique challenges of adopting older children - some of which we had experienced - and some we had not.  I am so thankful for the preparation these families gave us as well as some good ideas to help the new children adjust and keep the family at home on track during the big changes.  So I'm going to list the essential list for coming home:

First and foremost - God's Word.  Don't take this lightly!  Getting up, however early (or late depending on the day) and getting wisdom and encouragement for the daily challenges is essential.  I read this before, during, and after our trip - and use it every day to address any difficulties that may arise.  Most of my biggest issues with the girls are God's biggest issues with me - and Biblical perspective is extremely helpful when looking in this mirror daily.

The Bible in the pic above is from Guangzhou.  It is parallel English/Chinese and helps me point out words of wisdom for my older daughter to read.  The Proverbs are FULL of good stuff - like how smart your parents are, you should heed their advice, etc., haha!!   The "love chapter" of I Corinthians 13 is fabulous also.  I routinely have her read the Matthew parts about "not worrying" about tomorrow, that today's troubles are sufficient.  "What's happening next" is always a worry for new adoptees.

Secondly, the blogs of other adoptive parents - notably that of Katie Davis, missionary to Uganda.  If you read her book or blog, you come away with a renewed perspective of "difficult day."  I've never really had one.  I've had irritating days, annoying moments - but nothing really worthy of complaint. Perspective is a marvelous thing.  Most of my bad days are the result of my own bad attitude - not the actual circumstances.  The worst day can be improved with a mindset of trust that God is working it all out through the daily stuff.  Isaiah 26:3 - 'nuff said.

Get help - preferably of the teenage, same gender kind.  I hired this fabulous girl to work with our daughters twice a week.  She teaches them English, goes over homework, and works on cartwheels and somersaults with them.  While doing this, she's a terrific role model of an "American Girl" who loves Jesus, values schoolwork, and speaks and behaves in a refined manner (and who's clothes match).  It's better than finishing school - it's "every day girl" stuff - and worth the small cost per week to help take the load off mom for a few hours and provide a mentor worth emulating.

Physical exercise -for them and for you.  This can be at the same time.   Getting outside in the sunlight - especially when you first return - is great for jet lag and great to tire out really stressed out kiddos.  When they're really tired, they sleep better - and everyone feels better when they exercise.   Some folks think we keep a tremendous pace - but it has been to our children's and our benefit.  The girls have LOTS of developmental catching up to do, and swimming and tumbling has been very helpful with this.

Vitamins for everyone.  The trip and arrival home are BUSY and fast paced - and the kids may be low in vitamins due to their previous diets.  Plus, I just love gummies in the morning - and so do they!

Google translate.  REVERSE TRANSLATE EVERYTHING!! You would be surprised at the misunderstandings sometimes.  I didn't figure this out until about a week home and several puzzled looks later....

These can be found at Walmart - two berry "pies" for about $2.  I put one in the microwave for 50 sec. after the kids go to bed and load it down with Breyers vanilla ice cream when it comes out.  No matter how hard the day was, this revives me, haha!   If your thing is Dove Chocolates, popsicles, or *whatever* -splurge and keep some around - the exercise takes care of most of the fallout (but not all) on the hips.

I buy the kids the little ice cream cups that don't require a bowl (to overload in the dishwasher.)  They are just the right size and they love them.  They can get them out of the fridge on their own, and I don't have to do anything but give permission.  By 7pm, I don't want to go back in the kitchen (except for MY little treat above!) I announce their availability from the sofa and they all thank me profusely - while I'm still lying in a prone position.  Perfect.

Early bedtimes.  Don't think you're doing them or you a favor if you let them stay up late.  They need structure, and you need a wind down time at night to be fresh for the next day.

Legos and puzzles.  Think younger than their age.  These are GREAT for helping with small motor skills and teaching creativity.  My kids loved puzzles in China, and graduated to Legos once they got home.  They have cute girly sets now - the kids love them.

Lots of paper, markers, colored pencils, and crayons.   You should have heard the oohs and ahhs this first time they saw my stack of printer paper. 

Other notables: buy Walmart clothes or ask for hand-me-down clothes.  Many kids are careless with "things" when they first get home, some kids wipe their mouths or hands on their clothes (napkins are hard to come by in some places) and you won't want your beautiful smocked dresses trashed in the first few months of table manners teaching.  While this wasn't the case with all our new kids, it is with most, so spare yourself the regret and use "disposable" or washable type clothes.  Same with toys and jewelry - save the good stuff for later - and ask folks to hold off on expensive or fragile gifts.

Corelle dishes - if your family is larger, these stack compactly and make emptying the dishwasher a breeze.  I don't worry about the kids helping with these as they're easy for them to handle and aren't costly to replace.

Chores - my girls were not excited about this - but they feel part of the family and some ownership over the home as they participate.  We all take pride in a "job well done," so this is a nice thing for new kids to experience.  I buy the stick vacuums and let them help with anything within reach.  Drying dishes is a nice way to spend time together while you wash.  Even if you have to re-do the task when they're not looking, it helps them feel like they're contributing.

These may sound like silly little things, but they have really made my life easier since we arrived home.  Reading about missionaries puts the busy days in perspective, and the tiny little luxuries of a favorite snack at night really cheer up a sometimes exhausting day. 

If this sounds disjointed it's because I've been interrupted a zillion times while typing this, haha!  I hope this helps a little - and will write more **when I find time** lol!! 

Blessings, Kim

Aunt Benny's Visit

With the boys on spring break, we're having lots of fun outings and visits this week.  Last night we went to Nanny's house to see the Lawrences and of course, Aunt Benny!  She had just "jet setted" back from the Emmy's or Golden Globes, or one of those fancy things she does and brought a basket of nail polish, lip smacker, hair bands, and other fru-fru goodies for the girls.  They loved it and all left for home later with sparkles on their fingernails.  Somehow I only got demure pink - I must be getting old.

The boys love chatting with Benny since she's business savvy with her position at Audi and history in marketing.  She warned them about long hours, strict deadlines, and lots of travel - but that sounded like fun to young men without families to worry about.  She had plenty of sage advice, and they were happy to listen.

We got home late providing us with a painful wakeup call at 6am - really 5am. (I'll continue on with this illogical and pitiful lament all week - I have issues for about a week after daylight savings time)   We love seeing old friends - and these are friends of 40 years time frame.  Benny is one of the most thoughtful and creative women I know- even with her incredibly busy schedule - and I wish I had her talent of knowing "just the right gift" for anyone and any occasion.  She is a keeper of childhood memories for me, and I love remembering and laughing with her over our youthful exploits.   Thank you God, for the blessings of good friends.

Kim