Vanity

 Is it just me or is this kiddo cute?? 

She's so stinkin' cute that I kept forgetting to make that appointment to get her an eye prosthesis!  As a matter of fact, we've gotten kind of attached to the little smiley and "winky" look of her small eye that matches her endless look of joy and cheerfulness.  People (especially children) often stare and ask curious questions - which always surprises us since we don't notice it all.  She has asked several times about getting an eye prosthesis, however, so I finally made the appointment this week and just the two of us headed out to see about how it all works. 

During the drive - out of nowhere - she began to explain to me in very broken English how she came to be an orphan.  She told me that where she is from, "mama no like one eye, so no mama."  She followed it up with an explanation that the same held for her sister with "one ear - mama no like - so no mama and baba."  The timing was of concern to me since she felt the need to talk about this on the way to seeing about "a new eye."  I also wondered how she had come to this conclusion or if someone had spoken to her about it.  She was very matter of fact and didn't seem sad about it which was also surprising.  I reassured her we loved her just the way she was, and knew she was our daughter from the first moment we saw her.

When we arrived at our appointment, and the doc brought out the "pretty new eye," she was reluctant to let him try it out.  He suggested we come back and watch an older girl get hers cleaned and put back in.   It was an easy process - took less than a few seconds - and the older girl's eye looked fabulous.  But our little one was still reluctant and when asked if she really wanted the prosthesis, all she could say was, "I don't know."  So we left.

I just don't think I can make this decision for her - particularly after our conversation.  She knows that we can get her a prosthesis any time she wants - but suddenly it doesn't seem to matter to her any more.  During our first week together, she asked if she could come to the U.S., get an eye, and then go back home.   I wonder if she thinks the eye means she's done here?  With such difficulty communicating - it's hard to know what these little ones worry about - and this sweet girl seems happy every day with her new life.   It must bother her to answer questions about her eye all the time - but she is such a beauty just the way she is - and we want her to know that.

Some days I can't believe how blessed we are to have these treasures come into our lives - and I'm sad that they and many others lay hidden for so long.  I'm amazed at their courage and willingness to adapt so quickly to all the changes in their lives.  And while Jenny can push my buttons (and everyone else's) with her complaining and counting, and Sarah has more energy than 5 nuclear plants, we can't imagine life without them.  It scares me to think what might have been if we hadn't stepped out one more time.  What a boring life we would have had...

Today I sat on the porch and listened to them singing their Jesus songs on the swingset and just thanked God for my blessings.  I'd like to post my struggles, but other than petty irritations and occasional exhaustion from requests to "look at me, Mom" for the 50th time in one minute - it's been a really easy transition.  (maybe I've just forgotten all the bad spots like we do with labor and delivery?)

If you're reading this, Kimi and Vicky, I hope your girls do just as well.  I'll be praying you through your trips.  Blessings, Kim

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again, I say rejoice!" Philippians 4:4